So I've been taking dance lessons and right now I am just awful. However, I am having fun and I am determined to get better. My feet just have to catch up to the vision that is in my head of me twirling around effortlessly!

I had just finished a dance with a man who was holding me just a little too close for my comfort. You would think it would be easier to follow a man if you're smashed up against him but not so much.

I was telling my teacher about my experience and he took me in hold and reminded me that it was my job to set the distance. With my stance, posture, and strength in hold, it was my responsibility to show a man how comfortable I was with distance. The moment he reminded me of this, it was a moment of clarity.

The relationship that I had been in for almost five years had recently ended. As you might expect, what existed towards the end was markedly different than that of the beginning. Somewhere along the way I had lost my way. I had forgotten to set the distance. I had agreed to things that I didn't want to. I had let him do and say things I wasn't comfortable with in and out of bed yet I had been silent while screaming my resentment in my heart.

As women we often forget to set the distance. We want to please. We want to be liked and loved. But if we can't be who we need to be and set that distance for others, we will never be who we want and need to be and we won't be with others who truly appreciate and love us for who we truly are!

Robin Hesselgesser